So, a while ago, I heard the “3 Fs Rule,” and it really helped me clarify whose opinions are important to me. When looking for confidence, one thing you have to throw away is caring what most other people think. If they are not Feeding, Financing, or Fucking you, then you needn’t consider what they think of you. This has been invaluable to me when dealing with…well…anyone.
I ask myself, “3F?” If the answer is a solid “nope,” then I carry on. Right now, a part of you is probably gasping and clutching your pearls. I know my internal censor surely did the first few times I used this rule. (I’ll write about how even people who do meet the 3F rule don’t necessarily need to be considered another time.)
But here’s the thing – you are the one who has to sleep at night. You are the one who has to live with your choices. That judgmental bitch on Facebook who clucks her tongue at your choice to go Paleo or homeschool your kids or wear a bikini in a size 24? She is not the one who’s going to deal with the consequences of your choices, so her opinion is bupkes. Ignore her, as hard as it may be initially. I promise as time goes on, and you get really solid in the habit of making choices you love, it gets easier. Lots easier.
Another option is to go through your miscellaneous online (and hey, maybe even offline) social outlets and start culling the folks who aren’t having a positive impact on your life. Now I’m not talking about people who don’t agree with you all the time or people who give you honest feedback; after all, good feedback, even if it’s not 100% positive, has a positive impact on your life; right?
I am talking about the aforementioned judgy broad. I am talking about the family member who just never has anything at all constructive to add but just wants to rain on your parade and blow up all the floats. I am talking about the girl from high school who wants to drag you back to the “good ol’ days” when you’ve definitely outgrown all that. I’m talking about the people who are weighing you down with a lot of bullshit. Cut them loose, if they can’t get on board. It’s okay to take care of you.
I think that’s the #1 thing I want you to focus on, in fact. It’s kind of the point of this blog really – teaching people it’s okay to take care of them. So, what do you think? What can you do to help yourself get over giving a rat’s ass what others think? Spill it in the comments section, please? We can all help each other; right?
Wife to Bill.
Mother of Matt, Lenna, and Tricia.
Managing Editor of Audaciously Fat.
Mammalian servant to an avian despot, Courtney Lovebird.
Deliriously happy about all of it.